yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
