Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
