Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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