Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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