I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
