That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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