I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
