so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
