my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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