That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
