Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
