butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
