u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
