easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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