help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
