I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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