Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
