my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
