You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
