So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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