Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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