yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
