Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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