I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Randomize
