I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
