When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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