angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
