Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
