heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Found the puke drawer
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
