i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
