I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
