Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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