I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
