thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
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Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
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Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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