so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
