I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
