i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm too high and old for this...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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