life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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