i barfeds in our rink
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
