Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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