I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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