dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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