no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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