I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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