my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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