Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
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Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
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I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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