based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
