Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
