Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize