dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
