actually, I'm a sock model
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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