just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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