last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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