this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Sorry about my life...
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
