no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
