PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
