the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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