you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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