you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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