Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
