I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
You did what with his pubic hair?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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