used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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