So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
